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Monday, January 8th, 2007
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11:43 pm - Expatriate
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This summer my plans are to visit friends and family in Barcelona, London, and Copenhagen in May-June. I'll be moving to Paris this July, make sure to say hi before I leave. I don't know when I'll come back, but I'm all ready now, well, I'm almost done with the process of getting ready. I got my papers after weeks of form filling and long distance phone calls. The French Embassy is a real hassle, but I got the confirmation of my visas in the mail today. I found a couple of places in Le Marais (3rd arrondissements) and Montmartre (18th arrondissements) that are wonderful, well in the pictures so far. they're both districts in Paris so come visit soon. I'm ready... I'm ready... I'm ready... I'm ready... haha I'm already nervous.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, December 24th, 2006
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5:59 am - Koffee Klatch
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The poisonous perfume of cigarettes and coffee fill the air, muffled music from the speakers is barely audible, and the cold December air nips at my face; it's another closing night at the Koffee Klatch, another empty night that'll end with me in my bed alone, leaving me to masturbate to my fantasies that are just that--fantasies. Its a routine I've fallen comfortable with and at the same time grown to hate. My life lately revolves around the small cafe in South Laguna and the new friends I have here. Local club goers to the notorious Boom Boom Room across the street pass by the locked gate at the entrance and for a second gaze at me as I sit smoking a cigarette and bundled in my old brown peacoat. I can't help but day dream one of the attractive young men passing falling in love with me, but I snap out of it, thinking I probably look tragic out on the patio smoking my Dunhills and overly layered clothing like the bums that randomly peep into the Koffee Klatch wondering if there's any left over food. To add insult to injury the cheesy Christmas music probably isn't doing anything in my favor either.
Chris and Edward work hard to hurry up and finish their last chores, so they can call it a night. Chris takes the hose and sprays down the patio, carefully washing away the cigarette ashes and spilt drinks on the ground underneath the tables and chairs so not to get me wet. Every so often he'll push back his blonde hair, look my way and send over one of his boyish smiles. He's so adorable, the young optimistic one of the pack of the cynical faggots (myself included). Edward, distraught over the mess in the kitchen, will come out to the patio to take a puff of my cigarette and go back in only to come back 10 seconds later for another puff and rant. I pick up another "last cigarette" from its case and light up by holding the votive candle on the table to the end and puff. The smoke fills up the votive slowly and rises out of the top like a volcano.
Matt comes out of the bathroom with his hands in his pocket and sits next to me. His hair is done differently today, usually he styles it similar to the style that a cockatoo would wear its feathers, but today it's parted and combed over--it makes him look younger. He and I sit there in silence watching Edward and Chris work, trying not to make their work any harder. Matt yawns and rests his head on my shoulder and tells me that he's going to head out. I give him a hug and watch him leave through the back alley, hear his car start, and watch the light from the headlights fade into night. I find Matt attractive and he and I almost had a thing, but we decided that we were too good of friends to act on our attractions toward each other, but sometimes on nights like these when I'm lonely, I'll give him hugs just a little bit longer than the ones on the other nights. Besides, he and I would've never worked out--we're both too fucked up. He has too much Jesus in his life and I don't have any.
As I take my last puff, Edward locks the door to the cafe and the three of us walk into the alley. Chris found my bottle of wine I hid in the kitchen earlier that day, drinks the last drops, and throws it into the air. The bottle flys into electric wires above our heads, sparks fly into the air like fireflies, and then the bottle shatters on the wet pavement. We three stand there tired, laugh at the sight and go our separate ways into the lonely night.
p.s. Happy birthday Jesus. Come back soon.
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| Monday, November 6th, 2006
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12:21 pm
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there's a weird sense of peace within. it's nice, but almost eerie... like the calm before the storm
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, October 23rd, 2006
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11:05 am - Happy birthday ryan
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He and I are done. He needs to mature and see if he can be ready for a relationship, so i gave what he wanted. I suppose freedom is the best birthday gift, and thats what i gave him.
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| Friday, October 6th, 2006
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5:40 pm
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so im going to Las Vegas for the Model United Nations Conference in November and then Ill be in New York in the spring for the other conference... if anyone else is going to be in the area hit me up :]
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
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8:56 am - My 2 Cents
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The higher the price of crude oil is sold for the less freedoms (measured in free and fair elections held, newspapers opened or closed, arbitrary arrests, reformers elected to parliaments, economic reform projects started or stopped, companies privatized and companies nationalized, and etc. from the research organization Freedom House) in oil selling countries. Think about it... Azerbaijan, Angola, Chad, Iran, Kazakhstan, Nigeria, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Uzbekistan, Venezuala, and etc? Not a coincidence.
The higher the price is for crude oil the less countries selling it are willing to listen to its people and other nations. Oil = Power.
Let's go green!!!!
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| Monday, August 28th, 2006
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6:40 pm - fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
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Sometimes i like to let my fingers dance across the keyboard, like I'm actually writing something of importance. I type random phrases that don't make sense, jumble of letters that i wish were words, or when i can't be creative i type "fuck" over and over.
I wish i were smarter, than i would have a better life.
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| Monday, July 17th, 2006
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11:03 pm - Thicker Skin
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I'm not tough enough. Thicker skin... i need thicker skin. I need to become better than them and stronger.
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| Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
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11:46 pm
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| Friday, July 7th, 2006
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10:15 am - Old Crow
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Let the river kiss your knees
Just like it did for me
Your mama, shes not coming home
And now her voice blows through the trees
And by moonlight you would walk along
The secret path she shared with you
Where flowers grow in shine or snow
And you always kept walking through
That hymn she whispered out of tune
On those hollowed spring Sundays
You see her face embedded in the moon
Those lips move softly as she prays
The holy crow who took a life
She flew too closely to the sun
A perfect mother and a wife
She didnt know her time had come
-Starboard Skies
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12:18 am - Climbing Uphill
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I've been bottling most of my emotions inside and letting the bitterness, anger, and depression fester. There are many people out there who hate my guts and will love to see that I've finally cracked and lost. The mask of indifference and arrogance that I'm wearing covers me no better than a wet white t-shirt on a pair of tits in "Maxim" (I'll admit my defeat humors me). I am here now to say I am weak and have fallen, for my enemies-- go ahead and laugh; I'm raw and hurting, but go ahead and laugh. My decision to now unblock my entries is not to write and play to an audience's emotions or what not, I am here to lay it all out and for once and for all tell it as it is.
I hate myself and who I am. I'm a failure at so many things, and the things that aren't completely fucked up I'm picking the pieces up and trying to fix. My relationship with Ryan at the moment is disintegrating and it scares me so much that I may not be able to ever experience what I once did with him. Ryan means so much to me. My eyes are rarely dry and the times they are dry I'm trying my best not to cry. Nights are spent eating my comfort foods; coldstone cake batter icecream with cookie dough mashed in, popcorn, and mashed potatoes while watching "Pride and Prejudice" on the big screen in the den. I can't help but feel like I've failed. Ryan says its completely his fault, in which he woke up one morning and didn't know if he loves me anymore. He's currently so swamped with so many problems and issues that I've decided to give him space and let him sort out of his issues. I told him we are a team and that I'd do anything for him, but he's got to resolve some of his problems on his own. I feel useless to him, and even worse, I feel like I'm adding to his problems by trying to work at our relationship. Everything reminds me of him; I've been so desperate and pathetic lately that I went to Nordstroms to smell the cologne, John Varvatos, because it was the cologne I bought him as a gift when we went shopping together for the first time and what he smells of. The lady at that section of the store put a sample of the cologne in a vile, because they didn't have any free testers of the product. I'm so pathetic. I'm going to stop... this is enough shame for tonight...
I was prepared to write about my life and what i hate about myself in general, but I need to lie down right now.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, May 15th, 2006
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4:45 pm - Ryan
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It's too good to be true. Things like this don't happen to people like me. It's fact-- it just doesn't. Sometimes I tell myself, "David when are you going to stop being a cynic?" and I reply, " Get off my case..."
As you can see I am not willing to admit I have a problem, but then again here I am...
Ladi la la la
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| Sunday, March 5th, 2006
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10:23 pm
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I cant find the time to confide into this anymore...
but life's good.
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| Sunday, December 25th, 2005
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10:49 am
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| Friday, December 16th, 2005
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1:59 am - Kill thy envious moon...
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The moon is so gorgeous tonight. I don't know if it's a full moon tonight, but it hung carelessly in the sky like the old lightbulb on my garage ceiling. I sat outside behind my neighbor's red pick-up, thinking useless and incomplete thoughts as I lit a cig. It's been less than a week since I've been back in Irvine. There's no noise out here, just the distant blare of the freight train as it passes by Jeffery. Christmas lights are hung up all throughout the neighborhood, mine and the Schider's are the only houses without any decorations. The Schider's are Jews and my family's just lazy. I quietly squeezed back through the door, so I wouldn't wake anyone. Sleep is a comforting thought right now--goodnight.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 15th, 2005
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1:28 am - I can't wait till Christmas
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| Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
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4:21 am
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I love my family.
If you're in Irvine and want to hangout... give me a ring.
949 735 2846
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| Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
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1:21 am
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I need to stop smoking...
I've been smoking three of four cigarettes a day, I've been smoking because I've been stressed and now I'm stressed because I'm smoking. Haha I sound like Fat Bastard.
"I eat because I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy because I'm eat..."
School is getting a lot more intense now, more and more people are dropping out by the day.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
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11:25 pm
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| Friday, November 11th, 2005
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10:43 pm
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I finally have money to buy the camera I wanted, but... I also kind of sorta want to get the new ipods, but I already have a mini ipod... hrm. I dunno what I want to do now. I also sorta want to save up my money for a possible trip to New York or London in the spring... hrm.
When I finally have it I have no fucking idea what to spend it on.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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